When your life isn’t what you want

Dealing with ourselves, our relationships and our work is often very inspiring. But also confronting, not often without problems and stressful. Most of us experience that achieving our wishes or accepting that they cannot be achieved is not so easy. Partly unconsciously we make our choices, influenced by our upbringing, education, circumstances and current social norms and values. Our authentic self is not always offered. Simply because it is insufficiently known and recognized by us.

There is a good chance that, as we go through life, disappointment arises about how our lives evolve. In addition, we are confronted with the consequences of our (often unhealthy) lifestyle. If we want to change this that will last, we will first have to clarify and accept our attitude to life and possibilities.

A clear vision of ourselves can then serve as our inner compass for our further personal development. The only question is: how do you tackle this?

More happiness, love and success? Start with yourself!

Personal growth is about developing qualities within yourself that make it possible to achieve your goals. These can be both material goals, such as a new car or another function, and intangible goals, such as love and success. But personal development is much more than that. It goes beyond just a general learning process, acquiring knowledge, developing at work, growing as a person in skills and abilities or, for example, character development. Personal development has a deeper layer and that is that of spiritual growth, of conscious living.


Personal development is primarily the awareness of yourself, your own strength and your qualities. This requires self-awareness and self-insight. This allows you to let go of what is stopping you from leading your life the way you want. Then you can – based on a solid foundation – realize your dreams and achieve your goals.

If you know who you are and what your strength is, you can let go of what hinders you (inner and outer) from achieving your dreams and goals. You can take the right steps on your path of personal development. You dare to be yourself, authentic, and you know that your path of life is a learning process. And that your personal development continues throughout your life, where you can find a new balance every time.


Personal growth is not just turning your attention inward to get to know yourself and to find out what your strength is and what hinders you. But it is also about taking steps and then acting in accordance with your true self. It is about gaining insight into what you have to do (differently) to realize your dreams and goals. Here, the events and experiences in your life help you grow.

And the more conscious you are in life, the easier you will use these events and experiences for personal development. That is why personal development goes in phases. Growing up to your full potential takes time. As you become more aware of this, this growth will increase faster and easier.

Process of awareness

Your personal development is a continuous, holistic process of awareness. It is aimed at achieving a high level of personal well-being. By being aware of yourself and your own unique value, by being firmly grounded, you can move with the flow of life from resilience and flexibility. This will make an important contribution to your well-being.

By living from your heart – in balance with your male and female qualities and guided by your own body and life – you can live in love and power. You can then get everything out of yourself and your life. It is important that you determine your personal development completely individually. Everyone develops in their own unique way and at their own pace. Your growth depends on the circumstances in your life, on the choices you make and especially on how you respond to events and experiences in your life. The way you live your life, your self-knowledge and insight determine how your personal development goes.

Get more out of your life

So, do you want to take your well-being to a higher level and get more out of yourself and your life? Do you want to achieve certain goals or dreams and live in balance with yourself and your life?

Then be the change yourself, by consciously living and growing personally! Take responsibility and guidance in and about your life. Don’t blame others or external factors. And above all: never fall into victimization. Whatever you experience or what challenge you face, you can handle this and you can learn from it.

And now?

Start by clarifying where you stand. Write down the answers to the questions below. They should be the guideline for your further choices and decisions.

  • Who do I want to be and what can I do?
  • What is a meaningful life for me?
  • How am I going to manage this from now on? Knowing that problems are part of life. After all, finitude, suffering, passion, fate and fate are the constants of the uncertain human life.

Translate your answers into goals that you want to achieve. Realize well that the changes you wish can have a deep impact on your (daily) life. Therefore, ask the following 9 questions for each change you want:

1. Where do I want to go?

In particular, think about what you are going to do instead of just saying what you no longer want to do. Formulate your goals in a positive and challenging way. Visualize where you want to come from. What do you look like? How would you feel? Relax? Energetic?

2. How can I improve the balance in my life?

When good intentions fail quickly, this is often due to imbalance in a person’s life and stress. Too many things that need energy and too few things that you want and give energy. What are the energy givers and the energy givers for you? How can you shift the balance a little bit in the right direction, so that you run less risk of relapse into your old habits?

3. What are my strengths and where are my opportunities?

We tend to focus on what is not going well, what we are not good at and easily see where all kinds of threats come from. Yet especially your strengths will help you make the change.What are you good at, what will help you? And where are the opportunities in your area? Who can help you make the change?

4. What skills do I need and which do I still need to learn?

A healthy lifestyle consists of a set of skills that you apply. For example, you must be able to set good goals, monitor how things are going, adjust, plan what you are going to do, how to say no to others in a nice way or create support among your housemates. Can you prepare a healthy meal, can you distinguish the sense and nonsense from what you read in the media about lifestyle, and do you know how to select the healthier choice? You already have a number of those skills, some not yet. Come up with a plan to learn the skills that you do not yet have.

5. What is the compelling need to change certain behavior or circumstances?

What is the most important reason for you to change? Without a really compelling necessity, intention is doomed to fail. Then you stop at the first time that it is a bit more difficult.

First change as an experiment?

If the change relates to a lifestyle, the goal is to permanently change it. This is precisely what can also cause resistance. Make it easier for yourself by experimenting first. A good example of this is drinking coffee or tea without sugar. Agree with yourself to try this for a week. Consider beforehand what your criterion is for a successful experiment. After a week you will see what the experiment has brought you and it is better to make a decision for the future. Experiments can also be devised for other habits in the area of eating, exercising and relaxation.

Changes without experiments

This is different with far-reaching, self-selected changes such as termination of a relationship or change in work and income. There is no question of experimentation. The consequences of your decision can have a serious disruptive effect over a longer period. Take all the time for considerations. Once you have made your decision and act accordingly, what follows will (ultimately) work for you liberating.

6.  Do I have other goals that I actually think are more important and that conflict with my intended change?

Everyone has multiple goals in their lives, and sometimes they conflict with each other. Cozy drinking wine every night with your partner and together with a chip on the couch and at the same time not wanting to lose weight match each other. Which goal is most important to you? Which goals are not possible at the same time?

7. Is this the right time for me to change?

Change takes time and energy. If you don’t have that, you can start with the change, but you get stuck quickly. This leads to frustration and a lot of lost energy.

8. I feel resistance to the desired change. Where does this come from?

Resistance to change is normal. Investigate where this comes from. Are you unsure where you are going? Are you afraid you can’t do it? Does it cost too much energy? Does it have undesirable consequences for others?

9. Am I too strict for myself after a slider?

You have made good intentions, and then it goes wrong once. Doesn’t matter, this is very normal. A behavioral change without an occasional moment of relapse does not exist. It is about what you say to yourself afterwards. Do you pick up your plan again and continue, or do you think it is all ruined now and do you throw everything overboard? Don’t be too strict on yourself. Changing is not possible in 1 go.

Do’s and Don’ts when changing


  1. Make concrete plans and determine which changes are the most relevant to implement first. Be careful not to formulate them without obligation, because otherwise only wishes, Intentions or good intentions remain. Therefore make them SMART:
  • S specific
  • M measurable
  • A acceptable
  • R realistic
  • T time dependent
  1. Start with changes that are relatively easy to implement and that yield immediate results. These often require little effort and give you the feeling of being on the road. In the business world, these are described as the use of low hanging frui
  2. Tell your environment about your plans as much as possible. In this way you create support for your plans and your environment will sooner understand why your changes.
  1. Ask yourself questions during the process of change, monitor the result. Does this change work for me? Do I have to adjust my plans? Which pitfalls have I encountered and how can I prevent them in the future?


  1. Don’t let your plans and actions slow down. A relapse to old habits is then too great a risk.
  2. Do not expect miracles immediately and do not panic with the first setback. You and your environment. Has to get used to changes and the benefits are not always immediately visible.
  3. Do not radically change your plans without thinking carefully about the consequences.
  4. Do not promise yourself too much or too little.

The importance of journaling

Journaling is basically a way of talking to yourself. It lets you record what has happened to you and how you reacted, and then analyze why that was in a calmer “after-the-fact” way. The act of journaling also helps you to be more critical in your thinking, as we are taught to think before we write down or use a tool much more than we are taught to think before we speak. So the act of writing or use a technical aid itself can help us shift towards a more self-aware mindset.

Lifestyle Monitors

Lifestyle Monitors sells self-monitor products that are intended for people who want to adjust their (unhealthy) living habits and / or their social and working conditions. This with the aim to get more out of life by becoming more vital, happy and eliminating non-functional stress.

Our products are used for:

  • Gaining insight into the consequences of living habits and circumstances for vitality and stress level.
  • Selection of lifestyle habits and / or circumstances that people want to change.
  • Measuring the effects of the change (s) of behavior and circumstances.
  • Reflection on the progress of the change process on the basis of which (possibly) adjustments can be made.

In addition, they help you to test the effectiveness of relaxation techniques and treatments.

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